How do you want to be memorialized in your eulogy? Lisa finds a kindred spirit in Raymond Alan "Big Al" Brownley and shares the ironic stories of a deathly lifeguard party and an accidental electric chair. Porscha describes the life and secrets of Dorian Corey, a trans woman of color who delighted in life and and left behind a locked trunk of human remains in death. Theme: Unexpected Endings.
Welcome to our first quickie! We answer your "Ask Me Anything" questions, fall hard for Dateline's Josh Mankiewicz, introduce voice memo submissions and the #MacabreJunkie hashtag, get bit by too many wild animals, and tell the story of 2,600 ghostly stalker telephone calls.
The ladies attempt a drinking game while telling drunk & disorderly true crime stories. Nobody dies in this one, but things get a little weird. Featuring the stories of a newspaper office prowler, Rudy Kurniawan's manipulation of the vintage wine market, and Australian con-woman and wellness blogger Belle Gibson's cancer hoax.
Theme: Drunk & Disorderly.
Cold Case #1: Who is the Oakland County Child Killer that murdered four kids in 1970s Michigan? Was he a member of the freshly uncovered multi-state child pornography ring, and does he still dwell among us?
Cold Case #2: In 1982 Chicago, seven people died within minutes of ingesting over-the-counter Tylenol pills spiked with cyanide. Who was responsible: an extortionist with a grudge, a gun-happy bar patron, or the Unabomber Ted Kaczynski?
Miscellany: Shout outs, an update on “Folie à Deux: Part 2,” some tasteless Jon Hamm talk, brief but unfortunate singing, and a podcast recommendation for “It’s About Damn Crime.”
Theme: Cold Cases
The stars align, the wine flows, and the ladies lose what’s left of their marbles while looking at their hometowns in the worst possible light. Featuring poison, strangers with candy and vans, and unsuccessfully specific guessing! Was Dallas’ Richard Lyons a loving landscaper or matrimonial murderer? In Houston, Dean “Candyman” Corll is the quintessential haunter of mothers’ nightmares everywhere.
Theme: Hometown Murders.
** Patreon supporters will have access to Lisa’s collection of cat jingles. Keep your eyes peeled. **
The ladies share horrible cooking stories, digest the results of the “would you rather drink an eyeball smoothie or eat human ravioli?” poll, and apply the “marshmallow test” to determine sociopathic tendencies in their youth. Featuring the stories of the Winterberry Charter School first graders who plotted to kill a classmate, the creepypasta legend of black eyed kids, and Boston’s very own child serial killer Jesse Pomeroy. Theme: Creepy Kids.
Porscha says multiple nice things about the state of Florida, delivers a eulogy for beloved New Orleans mobile produce vendor Mr. Okra, and tells double twin tales -- all while knee-deep in rosé. Featuring the Han twins’ rivalry and the Gibbons sisters’ fatal pact. Theme: Deadly Duos/Crimes in Pairs.
Gregory Taylor spent 6,149 days (16.8 years) in prison for the 1991 murder of Jacquetta Thomas -- a conviction solidified by fraudulent testimony by North Carolina blood-splatter analyst Duane Deaver (the very same Deaver of “The Staircase” infamy.) He was innocent.
Cameron Todd Willingham was convicted and executed for a house fire that claimed the lives of his three young daughters, but the forensic arson investigation was an exercise in mysticism, not science. Lisa rants extensively about Rick Perry, who impeded inquiries into how arson is scientifically investigated in Texas in pursuit of political gain.
Bonus: Porscha tells a delightful story about how she silenced a deli worker who catcalled her while she was wearing her Dateline shirt. (Our apologies to Rick Moranis, Petey Pablo, and anyone who hasn’t seen the end of Dexter yet.)
Theme: Bad Forensic Science.
This episode has a little bit of everything: the joys of moist cake, the horrors of human stew, the freedom of fire, skin puns, forehead tattoos, and the woes of scrounging for alcohol. Both stories delve into intimate violence in different ways: Lisa follows Katherine Knight’s violent path to murder, dismemberment, and cannibalism while Porscha discusses Francine Hughes, who set her husband on fire to escape abuse. Theme: Free Space.
Who killed Anne Barber Dunlap? Porscha and Lisa investigate confirmed and imagined timelines in the 1996 unsolved murder in Minnesota -- and probably make strong political foes while speculating on “There, Solved It!” (a brand new fishbowel addition). Was it her husband? Or…..was it her husband?
Things unravel from there. Lisa dives into the rabbit hole of google search results for “disembowelment” -- prompting incredulity, fun facts about mayhem, and disputes on medical realities -- and makes way too many Scream jokes (much to Porscha’s dismay). The discussion becomes “F the Patriarchy: Part 2” when discussing the story of the Florida man who manually disemboweled his girlfriend in 2015.
Theme: Stomach Contents.
Porscha and Lisa share stories that will soothe and stoke your cold, dead, misandrist hearts. First, professional poisoner Giulia Tofana makes a killing selling arsenic-laced cosmetics as a way for women to escape their arranged marriages in 17th century Italy. In the second story, controversial Pakistani model and social media activist Qandeel Baloch is murdered in an “honor killing” after exposing the true colors of a religious leader. Theme: The Patriarchy Made Me Do It.
RESOURCES FOR FURTHER READING:
Carlton, Genevieve. “Meet The Woman Who Poisoned Makeup To Help Over 600 Women Murder Their Husbands.” Ranker, Ranker, 30 Nov. 2017, www.ranker.com/list/life-of-giulia-tofana/genevieve-carlton.
Dash, Mike. “Aqua Tofana: Slow-Poisoning and Husband-Killing in 17th Century Italy.” A Blast From The Past, 6 Apr. 2015, mikedashhistory.com/2015/04/06/aqua-tofana-slow-poisoning-and-husband-killing-in-17th-century-italy/.
“Giulia Tofana.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 10 Sept. 2016, 16:41, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giulia_Tofana.
“In The Name of Honour.” Undercover Asia S4, Channel NewsAsia, 15 June 2017, www.channelnewsasia.com/news/video-on-demand/undercover-asia-s4/in-the-name-of-honour-8957890.
“The Killing of Qandeel Baloch: One Year On.” BBC Stories, 15 July 2017, www.bbc.com/news/av/magazine-40596268/the-killing-of-qandeel-baloch-one-year-on.
The story of the Attila Ban double murder in a London hotel challenges all the assumptions you’ve never bothered to make about the seemingly finite uses of a box-spring mattress. Lisa talks riots, poppers, and an accidental mixture of kittens and candy. Up next, a detective commits to solving the murder-rape case of a mother and her two children by conducting an experiment on the migratory patterns of loose pubic hair in multi-person households. Porscha tells how pubic lice, pubic hair, and public servants worked together to secure a 357-year sentence for killer Kirby Anthoney. Plus: A speculative disagreement about Beyoncé’s position on the owl theory and shout outs to new Patreon supporters! (PS: Climate change is real, y'all! Sorry about the sniffles.) Theme: Impressive Murders.
Things get horrifyingly surreal when the ladies discuss this week’s psychic and supernatural stories. Lisa details the psychotic “psychic” Sylvia Browne and Porscha tries to separate factual certainty from fictional crock in “The Conjuring.” (Bonus! Lisa adds another layer of dreadful drama by helping Porscha truly put her bad day into perspective.) Theme: Psychic and Supernatural. ***Send us love and money at www.patreon.com/toomacabreladies
After confronting suspicions of intra-friendship arsenic poisoning, Porscha regales with Rihanna’s revenge refrain and Lisa bellows out a bayou bludgeoning ballad. PLUS: an update on the origins of the Otis La Page legend and a plea for help regarding childhood mystery books. Theme: Murder Ballads.
It’s hard to muster up reverence for the court and its officers when they’re slack-jawed yokels, like Kansas’ Thomas-Jefferson-loving Dennis Hawver. And the consequences of a broken criminal justice system weigh heavily in the case of Kalief Browder, a juvenile imprisoned for three years (several in solitary confinement) without trial for a minor property crime that he didn’t commit. Theme: Incompetent Judges, Juries, and Lawyers.
Is Mercury retrograding responsible for life’s silly little misunderstandings? Conjecture abounds as Porscha and Lisa discuss their favorite ways of imbibing wine and these stories: a gunfight in London, a school field trip gone awry, a racquetball blood shower, something we’re calling “The Lansing Hand Job,” and the fate of the engine-less Gimli Glider. Hold on to your butts! Theme: Silly Misunderstandings.
Theatrics abound—for better or worse—as Lisa dissects the ransom letter from the JonBenet Ramsey murder scene. Porscha’s soapbox on the horrific kidnapping of Colleen Stan (The Girl in the Box) probes the patriarchy, the stigma of abuse, and BDSM dynamics. You know these classic stories from the headlines! Theme: Ripped from the Headlines.
Porscha and Lisa keep slaying (…not bodies) but get serially serious. Profiling the Los Angeles-based Grim Sleeper (and his controversial capture using a familial DNA dragnet) and Russia’s Chessboard Killer. At lighter moments, Porscha discusses her fascination with Doris Payne, and Lisa reveals the childhood catalyst of her macabre interests. Theme: Serial (and Possible Serial) Crimes.
Has DNA earned its place as the gold standard of forensic evidence? How does a chimera-physician-rapist’s predatory behavior influence the discussion of lethal injection drug cocktails? Lisa ponders Dr. John Schneeberger after her own cocktails, while Porscha is unsympathetic to Joe Gliniewicz’s (crooked cop extraordinaire!) dereliction of duties and boldly staged suicide. Theme: Creative Ways to Disguise Your Suicide.
Lisa gets some colorful, ill-advised ink... kinda, "Forensic Files" comes through as always, Florida is still Florida, Porscha's got a thing for Judd Nelson, and (surprise!) men turn out to be a lot less skilled than they think. Featuring the stories of Katie Froeschle and the Billionaire Boys Club. Theme: Dumb Evidence Left Behind.